doing some work around here

It's been a while since I've done much to this blog, but after much thought and prayer I have decided to make many of my posts public again that might be a blessing to others. I'll be correcting the numerous typos as I go, so if you're receiving the feeds they might show up as a new post. I hope and pray your visit will bless you in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

enduring

The true lessons of endurance cannot be taught in books or sermons, but only by continual trials over an extended period of time. Any hardship will do, since it is not the extent of difficulty that results in endurance but the continuous mindset by which it is handled. The task easily becomes wearisome without the Savior's hand, but as time goes on and my steps are more closely matched with His, the silences where perseverance is most needed are like that of two friends walking alongside the road who gain strength to carry on from the mere presence of one another.

And so I continue onwards in His grace.

hating "life"

To-do list: deny self, pick up cross, follow Christ.

As I walk onward in this Christian life I continue to rediscover God's word, His attributes, His glory, and the joy of knowing Him. The more I understand the Bible, the more I want to read it, and the more intimately I know Christ the stronger my desire to see Him grows. And so in these past few weeks I have been well satisfied to focus solely on pondering and living out the gospel.

Jesus said that if anyone is to come after Him, he must "deny himself, take up his cross daily and follow (Christ)." Never before have I so utterly known my sin as when my heart rebels against this simple mandate. How desperate is my need for grace! Since these three things are required for the Believer, I determined there could be no higher order of business upon waking up than to examine my heart according to these standards and pray earnestly for the strength to obey.

Through the application of this practice, I have begun to think of my daily life with, it seems, a new pair of eyes: "Deny yourself" means to refuse anything that might feed my fleshly nature instead of bringing glory to God. "Pick up your cross daily" means that I shoulder each trial as if I had intentionally chosen to endure hardship for the sake of Christ. "Follow Him" is self-explanatory, yet it can be the hardest of all.

Through this understanding the root from which many sins grow becomes apparent. I find myself desiring to follow my own idea of Christ rather than follow the Lord himself. Sometimes I wake up and my cross seems so hideous and heavy that I doubt my ability and desire to carry it. And at times the thought of depriving myself of a "good" thing that is feeding a fleshly desire seems silly and unnecessary.

Thankfully, I am not reliant on my own resources to walk in the Lord's ways, as I told a friend a few hours ago, it takes the touch of God to work the transformation. As I plead with Him to pour His grace over me and change my attitude He oh so gently begins to soften my soul. And when the Creator lovingly molds my heart, denying myself becomes a joyous sacrifice, my cross is turned into a beautiful and awesome privilege, and Christ is seen as an infinitely valuable treasure with no higher fulfillment existing than to follow Him.

I began this blog for the purpose of "boasting of my weaknesses", that Christ's power and grace may be shown. It is humbling to return because with each post I understand in further depth the shame of my sins, the beauty of Christ's forgiveness, and the glory of His power. Such a wondrous Gospel never ceases enrapture my heart.

on crying out

Recently I have been learning God's design in turning weakness into strength and mourning into dancing: humbly entering His presence and laying my heart bare. I must first bring my weaknesses before Him if I am to experience His strength. Likewise, my grief must be taken fully into His presence before He replaces it with joy. The Holy Spirit works the transformation; no matter how principled or Word-abiding a Christian I become there will never be a substitute for crying out to God.

It seems obvious, now that I think about it, but it has only gradually become a problem as my life begins to fill up with important things that should be done. Prayer is certainly a factor, but my days of spending hours just emptying myself completely before Him and then waiting in silence as He fills me with His riches and opens my eyes to the beauty of His majesty have been much fewer than my soul desires, and my spirit has suffered from it.

Thankfully we serve a merciful, forgiving God who continues to faithfully teach me and lovingly pulls me into His arms every time I run to Him. "Your love, oh Lord, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies." - Psalm 36:5

"How lovely is your dwelling place,
       O LORD Almighty!

My soul yearns, even faints,
       for the courts of the LORD;
       my heart and my flesh cry out
       for the living God." - Psalm 84:1-2