As I walk onward in this Christian life I continue to rediscover God's word, His attributes, His glory, and the joy of knowing Him. The more I understand the Bible, the more I want to read it, and the more intimately I know Christ the stronger my desire to see Him grows. And so in these past few weeks I have been well satisfied to focus solely on pondering and living out the gospel.

Jesus said that if anyone is to come after Him, he must "deny himself, take up his cross daily and follow (Christ)." Never before have I so utterly known my sin as when my heart rebels against this simple mandate. How desperate is my need for grace! Since these three things are required for the Believer, I determined there could be no higher order of business upon waking up than to examine my heart according to these standards and pray earnestly for the strength to obey.

Through the application of this practice, I have begun to think of my daily life with, it seems, a new pair of eyes: "Deny yourself" means to refuse anything that might feed my fleshly nature instead of bringing glory to God. "Pick up your cross daily" means that I shoulder each trial as if I had intentionally chosen to endure hardship for the sake of Christ. "Follow Him" is self-explanatory, yet it can be the hardest of all.

Through this understanding the root from which many sins grow becomes apparent. I find myself desiring to follow my own idea of Christ rather than follow the Lord himself. Sometimes I wake up and my cross seems so hideous and heavy that I doubt my ability and desire to carry it. And at times the thought of depriving myself of a "good" thing that is feeding a fleshly desire seems silly and unnecessary.

Thankfully, I am not reliant on my own resources to walk in the Lord's ways, as I told a friend a few hours ago, it takes the touch of God to work the transformation. As I plead with Him to pour His grace over me and change my attitude He oh so gently begins to soften my soul. And when the Creator lovingly molds my heart, denying myself becomes a joyous sacrifice, my cross is turned into a beautiful and awesome privilege, and Christ is seen as an infinitely valuable treasure with no higher fulfillment existing than to follow Him.

I began this blog for the purpose of "boasting of my weaknesses", that Christ's power and grace may be shown. It is humbling to return because with each post I understand in further depth the shame of my sins, the beauty of Christ's forgiveness, and the glory of His power. Such a wondrous Gospel never ceases enrapture my heart.